I wish I only lived at night.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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