God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
