Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
