I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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