Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
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