so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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