Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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