Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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