My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
