Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
