I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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