I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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