Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
