imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
