At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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