Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
