It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
