Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
