Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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