we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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