I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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