I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
