She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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