she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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