I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
