weddingsv make me drug and hornr
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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