four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
My life is pants optional.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
