did you get engaged???
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
