Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
