i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
