Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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