She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I accidentally burped into my bong.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
As shirtless as possible
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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