I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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