My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
