when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
