Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
