Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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