idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
