I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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