Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He better not be in your backpack
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
