I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
