You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
