If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
