The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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