I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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