i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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