But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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