I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
