i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
