I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
