Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
