I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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