apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
