Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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