he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
