hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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