So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize