There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
