how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
