My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
