She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
