How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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